Celebrity

PRINCE Harry has called for a global landmine ban insisting they are a waste of time compared to his multi-million pound helicopter of death.

THE royal baby is growing at an alarming rate.

INCREASINGLY deranged gossip magazine OK! is to begin covering the love lives and confessions of celebrities post-mortem.

RAPPER Wiley has been turned into a heifer by the witches of Cumbria.

THE name of the new royal baby is a reflection of his parents' deepest passions, it has been confirmed.

THE Welsh have demanded the royal baby be given to them so the initiation can begin.

THE royal baby is to be named Chunky, regardless of its gender, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have confirmed.

HARRY Potter author JK Rowling has been revealed as the enigmatic dubstep producer Burial.