Celebrity
Murray knighthood would be like 'world's greatest dad' t-shirt
AWARDING a knighthood to Andy Murray would be a bit pathetic, it has been confirmed.
Zara baby to trigger civil war
THE announcement of a rival royal baby means that full-scale civil war is now inevitable.
Kate Moss designs range of nuclear missiles
SUPERMODEL Kate Moss has designed a range of nuclear missiles for style-conscious governments.
Popeye strong to the finish because of monkey hormone injections
SAILOR Popeye has admitted that his immense upper body strength is not the result of a spinach-heavy diet.
I love money, says Queen
THE best thing about being monarch is the huge amount of money you get, the Queen has confirmed.
Everyone at fancy wedding is fabulous
EVERYONE who attended the society wedding of the year is completely fantastic in every way.
Heaven hit by mysterious fires
A SPATE of restaurant fires in Heaven has been linked to Tony Soprano.
Pope John Paul II 'completed Jet Set Willy'
THE former Pope's mystery-shrouded miracle was completing an impossible computer game in the 80s, it has emerged.