Celebrity

BRITONS have confirmed that they have no interest in touching the royal family.

THE royal family is now the intellectual property of the Walt Disney Company, it has emerged.

SINGER Chris Rea has set off on the drive back to his house for the festive season, it has been confirmed.

THE ridiculously good-looking lingerie models of Victoria’s Secret have confirmed that they were all quiet loners at school.

GRAND Designs host Kevin McCloud has launched a clinical, futuristic Christmas grotto for poncey families.

THE shady figure who sold Myleene Klass a Catford garage for £2 million is refusing to discuss the deal.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger fans are paying almost a million pounds to have him kill them then make a wry comment.

FATE has apologised for sleeping on the job and allowing Bono to emerge unscathed from an air accident.

A PHOTO of Kim Kardashian extending her buttocks has destroyed the very essence of what it is to be human.

JESUS Christ’s wife Mary Magdalene forced him to get a boring admin job, it has emerged.