Celebrity

THE Duke of Cambridge is wondering why so many of you are not enjoying an Alpine skiing holiday like him.

GIVING Prince Andrew a high-profile public role has somehow failed to be a success, it has emerged.

THE Clean Up The Queen campaign is enlisting the public’s help to stop Her Majesty cursing like a drunken sailor.

DOCTORS are fighting to remove the smug half-smile from Leonardo DiCaprio’s face, it has emerged.

EVERY man, woman and child in the UK knew that Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for 30 years, it has emerged.

JEREMY Clarkson has officially apologised to cold cuts and salads after saying they were not good enough for him.

A BRISTOL Zoo-based gorilla mother is under fire after it was claimed she made no effort to have a natural birth.

THE world’s most renowned left-wing thinker has decided to retire following Russell Brand’s latest online rant, it has been confirmed.

DERREN Brown has goat-like hooves because of doing black magic, it has emerged.

AFTER spending yesterday guest editing the Huffington Post, Kate Middleton will today act as guest editor of Crafty Carper magazine.