Celebrity

BRIAN Cox has recruited members of his old band as astronauts for an asteroid-smashing suicide mission.

MEN have convinced themselves that looking at naked celebrity pictures is a legitimate part of keeping up with current affairs.

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt have confirmed that their sex life is over and done by announcing their marriage.

HELLO Kitty is a vengeful cat-human hybrid that feeds on livers, it has been confirmed.

THOUSANDS of physically attractive people don’t have anywhere to live, according to pop stars.

THE father of Coldplay’s Chris Martin keeps asking when he’s going to bring his new girlfriend home.

SEX abuse allegations against Sir Cliff Richard are the result of a long-standing feud with Devil Woman, it has been claimed.

THE Royal family does not have to try as hard as ordinary people to be considered funny, it has been claimed.

EVERYTHING stopped this weekend while the nation read the latest thoughts to come out of Will Self's massive brain.

A SENIOR US army officer has revealed he was hurt after Jeremy Clarkson pretended not to know him.