Celebrity

THE Queen has promised that everyone can spend a weekend at Buckingham Palace once the renovations are done.

PRINCE Harry has asked the world’s media if he could just have one relationship that is not immediately ruined by bastard journalists.

A SMARTLY-DRESSED man at a posh dinner party may well be Tim Farron, fellow guests have realised.

JAMIE Oliver has wearily dumped yet another book of recipes, photographs and shit onto the market.

THE SUN has confirmed that if the Queen dares breathe one compassionate word about immigrants she is fucking gone.

JULIAN Assange’s weird dreams are controlling our reality.

DAVID Cameron has become a barista in an independent coffee shop until he gets his ‘head space’ together.

A 34-YEAR-OLD man is wearing the same outfits as three-year-old Prince George of Cambridge, his shocked colleagues have reported.

SOMETHING has happened to the Kardashians that does not affect you because they are strangers and you will never meet them.

WILLIAM Hague is keen to be implicated in the break-up of Angelina Jolie’s marriage.