Celebrity

CAN an American actress ever match the Duchess of Cambridge’s world-leading skill at speaking briefly to members of the public standing behind a barrier?

ONE of Fergie’s kids, the one with the slightly vacant expression, is to marry a spiv, apparently.

6AM: Meet in car park of Morrison’s, Cromwell Road to catch minibus. Sambuca shots.

PRINCE HARRY has warned his fiancée that Christmas will be unusual.

THE royal wedding has been cancelled after Meghan Markle discovered Harry is not actually Ed Sheeran.

PRINCE Harry and fianceé Meghan Markle’s first royal engagement has ended early after he accidentally killed a member of the cheering crowd.

MEGHAN Markle has told her mother that she is marrying into the reality TV family known as the ‘English Kardashians’. 

THERESA May has thanked Meghan Markle for creating a temporary distraction from the never-ending shit-show the Tories have created.

PRINCE Harry has asked girlfriend Meghan Markle if she’d like to be the subject of future speculation about her mysterious disappearance.

THE stars of Mrs Brown’s Boys are accumulating as much money as possible before their audience sobers up and realises the show is an abomination.