Celebrity

FORMER Hear’Say singer Myleene Klass has triggered the End of Days after accidentally spelling out God’s true name.

CROWDS outside St Mary’s Hospital in West London have been hurling abuse at any non-royal newborns.

UNAIRED Top Gear footage will be edited to show Jeremy Clarkson regenerate as writer Sir Salman Rushdie. 

TIMELESS love stories can now begin with extra-marital boning, it has been confirmed.

MOST of the food at Piers Morgan’s 50th birthday party remained uneaten, it has been confirmed.

ACTIVIST and author Naomi Klein’s hair looks too good, it has been claimed.

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been advised that interest in her forthcoming baby is hovering around zero.

JEREMY Clarkson asked Oisin Tymon to drop his complaint in exchange for punching Richard Hammond as hard as he could.

THE model Gisele is more annoying than she gets credit for, it has been claimed.

TAYLOR Swift is to produce pornography that is unremarkable on the surface but really gets into your head.