Celebrity

Newspapers are not Facebook, Britain tells Kate

BRITAIN has told the Duchess of Cambridge that her pathetically sentimental baby photos should stay on Facebook where they belong.

Kim Jong-un’s Charlotte Church crush only getting bigger

KIM Jong-un has admitted that all he can think about is Charlotte Church.

Middle-aged British man reads right to end of Daily Mail story about Caitlyn Jenner

A 54 YEAR-old man from Hertfordshire has revealed he read an entire Daily Mail story about Caitlyn Jenner.

Jesus back as a fish

JESUS has returned as a sawfish, spreading his gospel and digging out crustaceans.

Clooney sick of having Goodfella’s pizza for tea

GEORGE Clooney has expressed frustration at having frozen pizza every evening because of his wife’s busy work schedule.

Army kept me off mean streets of Kensington, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has revealed that entering the army prevented him joining a notorious South Kensington street gang.

Letters from badger king call Charles ‘father’

LETTERS from the King of the Badgers to the prime minister refer to Prince Charles as 'daddy'. 

Nigel Farage exiled to Island of Failed Nigels

NIGEL Farage has resigned as leader of UKIP and been shipped to the island where all Nigels meet their end.

Princess named after three people Charles hates

PRINCESS Charlotte Elizabeth Diana was named after Prince Charles' greatest enemies, it has emerged.

Creepy wartime family confirmed as ultimate role models

YOU should be like this eerie 40s-style family, it has been confirmed.