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Sonic the Hedgehog mortified as co-workers discover his past

THE moment Sonic The Hedgehog has dreaded finally came yesterday when office colleagues discovered who he used to be. 

Now a senior digital media analyst, the 45-year-old arrived at his London workplace to find a picture of his younger days in the Green Hills Zone on his monitor.

He said: “It was bound to come out eventually, I suppose.

“I mean I’ve changed, physically – the spikes are shorter, I’m more of a dark sapphire than a cobalt blue now, and I’ve put on 12 stone – but it’s still unmistakably me.

“It was the 90s, it was a crazy time, I was taking home literally hundreds of gold rings for a few minutes’ work and don’t talk to me about the chaos emeralds, but that was a long time ago.

“We all have a past, but that’s not who I am any more. Now can we please get back to work?”

Sonic added: “I’m just glad that I’ve been able to move on.

“I bumped into Crash Bandicoot the other day, outside Wood Green tube station, still babbling about breaking back into the business.

“Yeesh.”

Re-using Nazi propaganda 'good for the environment', says Farage

RECYCLING propaganda images from the Nazis is the environmentally responsible thing to do, says Nigel Farage. 

The UKIP leader has confirmed his is the only campaign using 100 per cent recycled National Socialist newsreel images for his billboard adverts, making him greener than any of his colleagues.

He continued: “We wouldn’t want to be involved with the Brexit campaign if we couldn’t do it sustainably.

“Luckily, one of my team has an interest in Germany throughout the 1930s and 1940s and realised there were all these marvellous vintage ideas we could repurpose.

“There’s a wonderful old-fashioned charm to them, an almost rustic quality, but at the same time I think they’ll powerfully appeal to the mindset of many of today’s voters.”

Farage added: “We’ve also made the commitment to fuel our battle bus entirely on pensioners’ fury that they can’t have golliwogs anymore, of which there’s a limitless supply.

“That’s UKIP. We’re obsessed with the future.”

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