Celebrity

GRAND Designs host Kevin McCloud has launched a clinical, futuristic Christmas grotto for poncey families.

THE shady figure who sold Myleene Klass a Catford garage for £2 million is refusing to discuss the deal.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger fans are paying almost a million pounds to have him kill them then make a wry comment.

FATE has apologised for sleeping on the job and allowing Bono to emerge unscathed from an air accident.

A PHOTO of Kim Kardashian extending her buttocks has destroyed the very essence of what it is to be human.

JESUS Christ’s wife Mary Magdalene forced him to get a boring admin job, it has emerged.

PROFESSOR Brian Cox is an extra-terrestrial, it has emerged.

ATTACHING Russell Brand to a big cross would probably sort everything out, it has been claimed.

THOUSANDS of people who find actual music too confusing are excited to purchase the new single by Cheryl Cole.

MODEL Kelly Brook has left the mortal plane to travel the higher realms looking for love.