Business

YORKSHIRE Ripper Peter Sutcliffe has begun digging for oil beneath his Broadmoor cell in the hope of bribing the authorities into letting him go.

RAIL firms will charge less for non-existent trains in 2010, offering better value for services their customers don't receive.

LORD Mandelson has promised tough action on illegal downloaders in a bid to help close friend David Geffen achieve his dream of owning the world's four biggest yachts.

LORD Mandelson has sold Britain to some Chinese gangsters in exchange for a fabulous London townhouse, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN'S bankers were last night handed another £50bn in crisp notes to rub all over their naked, trembling bodies.

FURIOUS fatcat taxpayer money bonus and angry meltdown shame greed, it emerged today.

BANKERS last night welcomed proposals for their salaries to be made public, stressing they cannot wait to rub your nose right in it.

THE recession took a turn for the worse last night as new figures revealed more businesses have resorted to using low cost Welshmen.

TOSSPOTS with ironic T-shirts and trendy gadgets have lost yet another place to piss people off after the collapse of Coffee Republic.

A RANGE of pre-digested foods aimed at consumers who are too busy for normal metabolic function has hit the shelves of UK superstores.