Business

BLACKPOOL'S  tourism industry can be saved if the rest of the United Kingdom is reduced to charred, smouldering rubble, it was claimed last night.

THE BBC has begun dismantling Robert Peston in the clearest signal so far that the recession is over.

ACROSS the UK the search has begun for a business that is socially useful.

PLANS to cut-off the internet connections of people who share films and music have been branded an attack on the basic right to steal other people's property.

THE number of years Britain's unemployed will have to wait for their next job has been slashed from nine to eight, after an unexpected surge in business confidence.

YORKSHIRE Ripper Peter Sutcliffe has begun digging for oil beneath his Broadmoor cell in the hope of bribing the authorities into letting him go.

RAIL firms will charge less for non-existent trains in 2010, offering better value for services their customers don't receive.

LORD Mandelson has promised tough action on illegal downloaders in a bid to help close friend David Geffen achieve his dream of owning the world's four biggest yachts.

LORD Mandelson has sold Britain to some Chinese gangsters in exchange for a fabulous London townhouse, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN'S bankers were last night handed another £50bn in crisp notes to rub all over their naked, trembling bodies.