Business

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco is offering a sandwichalisation service, giving customers the chance to place any form of matter between two slices of bread.

RYANAIR chief executive Michael O'Leary has asked the little people of Ireland to forgive him for stealing their precious gold.

TRAGIC pop accident Jedward is to be eaten in a bap as part of a special offer meal deal at Subway.

AFTER a lengthy period of product development, Happiness hit the shelves of major stores today, priced £12.99.

FURNITURE giant Ikea is using memory-wiping gas to make customers forget how awful their visit has been, it was claimed yesterday.

THE new Xbox allows gamers to reclaim their lives by playing itself, it was revealed last night.

BP executives are today standing on the Louisiana shoreline, looking at each other with furrowed brows and occasionally skimming a pebble across the oily water, it has been confirmed.

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco claims to have solved the problem of late shoppers by letting Minotaurs loose at 9.50pm.

TRAVEL operator Thomas Cook was last night forced to offer up Jamie and Louise Redknapp to an angry volcano god.

THE soaring number of office workers who choose to die at their desks is costing the UK economy £2.6bn a year, according to a new report.