Business

THE UK government could be made cheaper and more efficient if civil servants were paid 50 pence an hour, the boss of Topshop has claimed.

MAJOR gas suppliers are attempting to convert their customers' bitter tears of woe into an eco-friendly fuel.

CHEAP clothes giant Primark is to stop selling clothes and instead simply charge the public to come and mess up its shops.

BUYERS of the highly-anticipated Halo Reach will be served by staff trained to ask them what exactly they are doing with their lives.

A BRITISH inventor has developed an all-in-one council estate tragedy shrine that can be erected within seconds of something 'sad' happening.

IPHONE users are set to return to their usual sobbing, foetal state with the release of IOS4.1.

MINI has made its first foray into the lucrative 'crossover' market with the launch of a 115,000 tonne aircraft carrier.

SOME of Britain's biggest energy companies may be run by greedy shits, according to the industry watchdog.

BRITAIN faces several more months of inflation doing things before eventually deciding to do some other, equally interesting things, the Bank of England warned today.

TONY BLAIR was today hailed as a role model for children who want to kill thousands of people when they grow up.