Business

THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been urged to make a series of massive, insanely risky investments in a bid to boost its share price.

MARK Zuckerberg has admitted that a Facebook app automatically highlighting how hideous people are was a mistake.

APPLE fans last night welcomed the new iCloud service but said they would like a lovely box to put it in.

THE call centre bosses whose minions regularly upset your nan are still ignoring demands to destroy themselves, according to new research.

AIR passengers will have their in-flight meal choices stored on a database in a bid to catch fake vegetarians.

THE multi-billion pound collapse of the Royal Bank of Scotland can finally be blamed on a woman.

HANNIBAL Lecter used a public relations firm to mount a smear campaign against his chief rival in flesh-eating villainy, it has emerged.

TOURIST attractions in the UK must redouble their efforts to stop the place being overrun by foreigners, officials have warned.

THE elite special forces team that killed Osama bin Laden is to inspire a big-budget film, an edgy boy band and a no-nonsense dish washing sponge.

FERVENT anti-royalists planning to burn effigies of William and Kate have been warned against making their own bootleg figurines.