Business

HANNIBAL Lecter used a public relations firm to mount a smear campaign against his chief rival in flesh-eating villainy, it has emerged.

TOURIST attractions in the UK must redouble their efforts to stop the place being overrun by foreigners, officials have warned.

THE elite special forces team that killed Osama bin Laden is to inspire a big-budget film, an edgy boy band and a no-nonsense dish washing sponge.

FERVENT anti-royalists planning to burn effigies of William and Kate have been warned against making their own bootleg figurines.

CHANCELLOR George Osborne has released an utterly irresistible sofa in fawn leather with matching corner group.

BRITAIN'S mobile phone users could save hundreds of pounds by babbling shite at a calculator instead, say researchers.

A PROPOSED shake-up of the UK banking system is to make it look as if someone is doing something about it.

COCA-Cola has left the door open for Pepsi to corner the soft drinks market for sweary whore-mongers.

MARKS and Spencer is about to discover all the different words the French have for things that are shit.

GROUND-breaking budget airline Ryanair has unveiled the industry's flimsiest every bullshit excuse for a price rise.