Business

A PROPOSED shake-up of the UK banking system is to make it look as if someone is doing something about it.

COCA-Cola has left the door open for Pepsi to corner the soft drinks market for sweary whore-mongers.

MARKS and Spencer is about to discover all the different words the French have for things that are shit.

GROUND-breaking budget airline Ryanair has unveiled the industry's flimsiest every bullshit excuse for a price rise.

OIL companies would never dream of doing bad things, Britain's most powerful ginger claimed last night.

PEOPLE who own private jets will face higher taxes in a bid to make the system fairer for people who just rent them.

WORLD'S worst banker Fred Goodwin hosts money orgies where he has intercourse with a series of life-size papier maché figures made from £20 notes.

THE £6.5m bonus paid to Barclays chief Bob Diamond was last night criticised by people with no real grasp of capitalism.

ONE of the greatest Guardian reader conspiracy theories of the last 20 years was under threat last night after Rupert Murdoch agreed to sell Sky News.

THE new Semi-Super Saver Single Return Railroader Autumn Summer Traveller Student Nurse District Pet Family Oxbow Lake Pass is actually straightforward, according to train bosses.