BSKYB is to change its corporate logo to a manicured hand flipping off the whole world.
The new logo, based on a photo of Rupert Murdoch waving goodbye to redundant News of the World journalists, was felt to convey the universal message, regardless of language barriers, that everyone else can go fuck themselves up the pisshole with a bent fork.
A spokesman said: “It’s important that we stay true to our core values of up yours, allied to maintaining rigorous standards of we could buy and sell you, you snivelling piece of shit.
“We went for the finger after our lawyers said there was copyright issue with the image of a boot crushing a human face forever.”
The rebranding will involve all newly-installed Sky dishes being the shape of the 80 year-old’s hand saying ‘fuck you’ to God, with pop-up adverts in every national newspaper reproducing his gnarled digit unfolding from the middle pages.
Customer reaction has been mixed, but a focus group survey found that most would have no problem with rectally inserting the company’s new hand-shaped viewing card so long as football came on the telly.
BSkyB enabler Wayne Hayes said: “I think it’s dreadful what they did to Milli Vanilli – is that right? – but I’m choosing to squint at the new logo until it looks like a spoon sticking out of a bowl of ice cream.
“Twelve months of lubrication and discomfort to ‘install’ my Sky card is still preferable to Gary Lineker presenting Match Of The Day. And to avoid Alan Shearer I’d cheerfully smash my ballsack open with a pineapple.”
