Business

STEPHEN Hester last night turned down a share bonus package after discovering the shares were in the Royal Bank of Scotland.

BRITONS will spend any amount of money in order to get a 'plush toy', it has emerged.

THE taxpayer will have to pay for Stephen Hester's bonus or pay for his bonus and his lawyers, it has been confirmed.

MOIRA Stewart, the all-seeing God of Tax, has warned of great suffering for those self-employed workers whose forms displease her.

STAFF at McDonald's have enjoyed their first Bring Your Favourite Britpop Bassist to Work Day.

CREDIT rating agency Standard & Poor's has upgraded itself to Triple-A Plus Super Fantastic.

PANIC gift purchase store Past Times has made 574 workers redundant today via the medium of town crier.

BRITAIN faces the prospect of having to remove its finger from its arse.

NICK Clegg wants the British economy to be filled with middle class kitchen utensils and adverts made by bastards.

PLANS to curb executive pay could lead to an exodus of money-grubbing dicks, experts have warned.