Business

THE new Muppet movie is stoking children's desire for even more cheaply made plastic things, it has been confirmed.

BASTARD factory HSBC has been fined £40m by the Financial Services Authority for failing to ransack old people's bedrooms.

THE global economy should be started again from scratch and everyone given £5,000 each, Mervyn King has claimed.

GEORGE Osborne is to keep adding lanes to the M6 until everyone has money again.

A REPORT into executive pay has called for a radical reform of how wind is combined with piss.

RYANAIR boss Michael OLeary is to end passengers.

GEORGE Osborne will use the £747 million from the sale of Northern Rock to bail it out again sometime next year.

POPE Benedict and Imam Ahmed Mohamed el-Tayeb would be a really horrible couple, it has been confirmed.

GEORGE Osborne has helped to ease the financial crisis by pointing at France and shouting a lot.