Business

THE taxpayer will have to pay for Stephen Hester's bonus or pay for his bonus and his lawyers, it has been confirmed.

MOIRA Stewart, the all-seeing God of Tax, has warned of great suffering for those self-employed workers whose forms displease her.

STAFF at McDonald's have enjoyed their first Bring Your Favourite Britpop Bassist to Work Day.

CREDIT rating agency Standard & Poor's has upgraded itself to Triple-A Plus Super Fantastic.

PANIC gift purchase store Past Times has made 574 workers redundant today via the medium of town crier.

BRITAIN faces the prospect of having to remove its finger from its arse.

NICK Clegg wants the British economy to be filled with middle class kitchen utensils and adverts made by bastards.

PLANS to curb executive pay could lead to an exodus of money-grubbing dicks, experts have warned.

STRUGGLING lingerie giant La Senza is to relaunch with the introduction of a new range inspired by the Human Centipede films.

RUPERT Murdoch is to use Twitter to share his everyday, random thoughts about controlling everything in the world.