Business

Bank of England 'thought Libor was a brand of toilet cleaner'

THE Bank of England inadvertently sanctioned the manipulation of interest rates because it thought Libor was a powerful disinfectant.

Bank does bad maths thing

Public comprehends words 'dude' and 'Bollinger' in otherwise mysterious event.

Sentimental bread advert made by people on cocaine

A TOUCHING, big-hearted bread advert was made by a group of arrogant cocaine users, it has emerged.

Easily-amused face communication crisis

THE collapse of Clinton Cards could leave the UK’s easily-amused community unable to express its banal thoughts, it has been claimed.

Old bastard attacked by useless shower of piss

A SNEAKY old bastard was last night attacked by people who have made a career in politics.

Myspace spots gap in market for old version of Facebook

FORGOTTEN social network Myspace is to stage a comeback by using the version of Facebook that everyone thought was absolutely fine.

Racist cake orders up 2,000 per cent

SPECIALITY bakers across the country are struggling to cope with a record demand for horribly racist cakes.

All three versions will be shit, promise Microsoft

THE Windows 8 operating system will come in three varieties of ball-shrinking awfulness, Microsoft has promised.

Bookies suspend betting on prick becoming mayor

BOOKMAKERS have stopped taking bets that the next London Mayor will be a bellend.

Middle-managers welcome new blame culture detector

OFFICES are to be revolutionised by a device that detects challenge­-averse working practices including blame culture and failure to think out of the box.