Business

MCDONALDS workers from around the globe are dreaming of finishing the games with coveted gold stars.

BOTTLENOSE dolphins have been installed as executives by several high street banks, it has emerged.

SECURITY company G4S has revealed its solution to their Olympics staffing shortfall – Enforcement Droid Series 209.

SAVERS in Britain, Germany and France are taking their funds out of the banking system and putting them into tulip bulbs.

THE UK's banks have provided a major boost to the economy by creating a third of a million jobs for professional blame-takers.

THE Bank of England inadvertently sanctioned the manipulation of interest rates because it thought Libor was a powerful disinfectant.

Public comprehends words 'dude' and 'Bollinger' in otherwise mysterious event.

A TOUCHING, big-hearted bread advert was made by a group of arrogant cocaine users, it has emerged.

THE collapse of Clinton Cards could leave the UK’s easily-amused community unable to express its banal thoughts, it has been claimed.

A SNEAKY old bastard was last night attacked by people who have made a career in politics.