Business

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco claims to have solved the problem of late shoppers by letting Minotaurs loose at 9.50pm.

TRAVEL operator Thomas Cook was last night forced to offer up Jamie and Louise Redknapp to an angry volcano god.

THE soaring number of office workers who choose to die at their desks is costing the UK economy £2.6bn a year, according to a new report.

SALES of the British-built L115A3 long-range sniper rifle have risen by almost 250% in a single week, it emerged last night.

TORY donor Lord Ashcroft has abandoned his plans to buy Britain and is now switching his attention to Belgium, it was confirmed last night.

SUPERMARKET giant Asda has launched a new campaign pledging to maintain the least attractive customer base in Britain.

RYANAIR has agreed to pay compensation to stranded passengers but said it was also going to follow them home and wait outside their house.

MERCHANT bank Goldman Sachs has not been using magic beans to generate its multi-billion dollar profits, it was claimed last night.

WORKERS are being asked to attend more pretend training sessions in a bid to increase the amount of bullshit there is.

RAF fighter jets are being scrambled on a regular basis as part of a Ryanair scheme to make passengers pay a £10 surcharge for not being killed.