subscribe
/ Sign Out

Trends more fashionable than ever

THE latest fashions are trendier than ever and look set to be the in-thing, experts have confirmed.

The Institute for Studies said the British public has just been getting trendier and trendier over the last 10 years with a record number of people buying really cool shirts, dresses and jackets and then looking great in them.

Professor Henry Brubaker, said: “It’s all about clogs and maxi dresses. The question isn’t ‘should you wear them’, but what should you wear them with?”

Meanwhile prime minister David Cameron urged Britain to keep looking super-cool and totally with it.

He added: “Look at my shirt! Look at your shoes! Fantastic! It’s all happening!

“But let’s not be complacent as there’s never been a more important time to think about what top will look the coolest with this skirt.”

Prof Brubaker said outstanding fashion sense runs right through British society, from well-dressed surgeons with an instinct for accessories, to thieves and sex offenders who look effortlessly amazing.

Bill McKay, jailed twice for trying to kick a man’s head off, said: “I will not stand by while someone picks fault with the Sienna Miller Collection at River Island.

“I suppose I could probably have kicked his head right off but then I would have had to change out of my funky blue sneakers and into some clumpy Timberlands that would have been totally wrong with these jeans.

“And that would have been a crime.”

 

 

A guide to Blackburn's new manager, with Brian Sewell

AND so Samuel Allardicé is cast into the stygian abyss of failed Blackburn Rovers allenatori. But which new Theseus will come forth to slay the Minotaur that is the fair red rose of Lancashire’s unfulfilled desires?

Chris Hughton
One can only imagine the horrors Mr Hughton has endured, leaving the bosom of London to earn his stipend in the wastelands of the north east. He is Siegfried Sassoon, idealistically volunteering for the managerial trenches only to be emotionally shattered by years of mud, rain and Shearer. Still, the boy’s a grafter. 12-1

Sven Goran Eriksson
Fellow Swede, August Strindberg, wrote his plays entirely in the nude while his secretary played the lyre and danced around his studio wearing nothing but a lavender-scented handkerchief. I feel Eriksson would approve of such methods and would therefore be unlikely to move to Blackburn, where the ladies wear enormous Y-fronts and rough, hessian camisoles. 22-1

Steve Kean
I understand this fellow was the previous understudy for the role and as such should be chased out of the building with a broom forthwith. Nothing good can come from giving the hired help ideas above their station as I learnt to my cost after allowing my gardener to warm his toes on my hotplate. 17-1

Martin Jol
Had Kenneth Grahame set Wind In The Willows amongst a group of mafiosi, this is what Toad would have looked like. If truth is beauty then this man is sixteen stone of outright deceit. Too, too ghastly. 36-1

Grayson Perry
Better known for his work in ceramics, I feel Grayson could offer a new aesthetic to a team perennially bogged down in the prosaic cul-de-sac of their own balls. One feels the lives of the annual ticket holders at Ewood Park may be enriched if their voucher granted them regular exposure to sado-masochistic pottery rather than a ‘David Dunn’. 3-1

 

Next story ›