BRITAIN'S biggest banks last night called for Mervyn King to be broken up into lots of little bits.
The companies say the Bank of England Governor is now 'too big to keep his fucking trap shut' and should be taken apart with either a chainsaw or a machete.
A spokesman for the British Bankers Association said: "I know a Bulgarian chap who'll do it for about sixty quid.
"He'd bung all the bits in some Tesco bags and then all we would have to do is chuck them in a skip. Or we could feed the chunks into a Magimix and then flush it all down the loo."
He added: "To paraphrase Churchill, 'Madam, if you were my wife, I would spank you across the back of the head with a heavy pan and then dismember you in the bath'."
But City analysts remain divided over the extent to which Mr King should be chopped to pieces by a cut-price Bulgarian gangster.
Julian Cook, chief economist at Madeley-Finnegan, said: "A large unreformed Mervyn King will continue to make long, depressing speeches that carry the very real risk of people wanting to kill themselves by the time he's finished.
"If we all want to carry on as if nothing has happened – and I'm pretty sure that we do – then it is vital we allow Mr Petrov to go about his grisly business."
But Bill McKay, research director at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "I'm not opposed to a functioning Mervyn King, however I believe that any reforms should at least address the possibility of whipping out his voice box and lopping off his arms.
"It's very difficult to do sign language with your feet."
