Arts & Entertainment

THE Man surrendered last night after glimpsing Banksy's opening credits sequence for The Simpsons.

THE new series of The Apprentice is inspiring a new generation to become grasping, money-obsessed little turds, the BBC has claimed.

MONKEY trainer Jeremy Kyle was left shaken last night after one of his creatures struck him on the head with a handful of fresh droppings.

THE BBC has warned that if Chris Moyles keeps coming to work, they may be forced to shoot him.

ITV is to refresh its Saturday night schedules with the motiveless abuse show You've Been A Shit.

THE film of the console game Resident Sewage 43: Crapocalypse is to be adapted back into a console game and then back into a film and so on until the ending of the world, it has been confirmed.

POPE Benedict XVI has promised his UK tour will feature the live on-stage incineration of those who consort with demons.

CNN is to replace its veteran talk show host Larry King with some fat faced prick it dragged in off the streets.

THE anonymity of the Stig was vaguely amusing for about 10 minutes in 2002, the BBC was told last night.

SIX HUNDRED year-old Tatooine crime lord Jabba The Hutt is to replace Dannii Minogue on the X Factor judging panel, it has been confirmed.