Sport

ARSENE Wenger is now a full-blown addict to Arsenal's chronic inablity to win, it has emerged.

BRITAIN’S Olympic cycling success has invoked an ancient curse, it has been revealed.

SCOTLAND’S national team will manage itself for a year to see if that’s any better, it has been confirmed.

MICK McCarthy has been given the awful job of managing Ipswich Town after proving to be impressively funereal.

ROMAN Abramovich has bought the Trident weapons system as part of a plan to shore up Chelsea's defences.

CHELSEA football stadium emits a form of radiation that makes people horribly racist, it has been confirmed.

THE greatest racehorse of all time is to become a professional snooker player.

CAMPAIGNERS are demanding that footballers stop dragging their overpaid pastime into their bigotry.