Sport
Newcastle apply for voluntary relegation
NEWCASTLE have volunteered to be relegated from the Premier League, following their 6-0 defeat at home to Liverpool.
Goal-line technology to bring universal justice
NEW goal-line technology is to be used in everyday life to create a more just world.
Horse-catapulting placates Grand National crowd
THE organisers of the Grand National have catapulted a horse into the side of a building to compensate for this year's lack of fatalities.
Kim Jong Un to manage Carlisle United
CARLISLE United has installed North Korean tactical genius Kim Jong Un as manager.
Formula One launches race unfixing probe
F1 BOSSES have launched an investigation after a race somehow became unfixed.
Rugby 'victory' was planned to make Wales feel good about itself
ENGLAND deliberately lost to Wales as part of a plan to boost the smaller country's morale, it has emerged.
Cheltenham Festival crowds have absolutely no idea what is going on
THOUSANDS of Cheltenham attendees are discovering that horse racing is incomprehensible.
