Sport

TENNIS champion Andy Murray plans is using his fame to unite Scotland against the English, it has emerged.

LEWIS Hamilton is facing a dilemma over which team's cars he is going to smash into a wall, it has emerged.

ENGLAND players are making increasingly-implausible excuses for not seeing Roy Hodgson at his FA retirement bungalow.

KENNY Dalglish has signed for Liverpool, boosting both morale and their ineffective strike force.

OSCAR Pistorius' complaints about prosthetic blades have triggered the introduction of compulsory strap-on hooves in Paralympic running.

ENGLAND’S football-related car parks are hoping for their chance to shine as the transfer window closes today.

MAGNETO has destroyed the Olympic Stadium, after becoming convinced that the Paralympics is a gathering of superheroes.

QUEENS Park Rangers midfielder Joey Barton is to part company with himself at the end of the month, by mutual consent.

THE government has produced an official chart ranking sportspeople according to their level of heroism, to help fans perplexed by this year’s Euros, Olympics and Paralympics.

THE Lance Armstrong drug scandal has raised hopes that cycling can now be stopped altogether.