Scotland to try not having a manager

SCOTLAND’S national team will manage itself for a year to see if that’s any better, it has been confirmed.

Craig Levein has departed as manager following a series of results consistent with a nation of congestive heart disease sufferers huddling for shelter just off the North Sea.

An SFA spokesman said: “We’re going to let whoever wants to play for Scotland just turn up and start kicking the ball. We’ll leave the correct number of shirts in a pile at Hampden Park for them to fight over.

“A coach driver will be instructed to pick up whoever’s stood outside the stadium at the end of the day, and to take them to international matches.

“This will save an awful lot of money – Scotland’s managers need 24-hour bodyguard protection from the fans who see no connection between having bloody awful players and playing bloody awful football.

“It also means we can try to entice more players to join the squad by loading up the manager’s seat in the dugout with white pudding and fags.”

The spokesman said: “This may result in the national side consisting of the country’s eleven most violent psychopaths, but at least it keeps them out of the stands and there’s no possible way they can be worse than Kenny Miller.”