Sport

A MAN who plays golf regularly is strangely not an arsehole, it has been confirmed.

DAVID Moyes is probably going to have to be West Ham's new manager, the club has wearily announced.

EVERTON have begun searching for a new manager with an advert offering the chance to lead a ‘historic, prestigious club based in Liverpool’.

ENGLAND have qualified for the 2018 World Cup finals in Russia despite their deep misgivings about doing so.

WAYNE Rooney has been sentenced to 100 gruelling hours of supporting Everton.

ARSENAL have attempted to sneak through their Europa League clash with FC Koln without anyone noticing them.

NO LANDLORD in Europe is willing to give Frank De Boer a six-month lease on a flat because there is little chance he'll be in employment that long.

A MAN who reads book is currently thinking about almost nothing but tomorrow's ludicrous boxing mismatch.

WAYNE Rooney's record-breaking international career was actually pretty shit when it comes down to it, football experts have concluded.