Sport

AN England fan has strongly rejected an invitation to watch tonight's game in a pub because he can only face it alone.

SCOTLAND is suddenly teeming with Croatia fans, it has been confirmed.

ENGLAND fans have reassured the World Cup squad that they will still be just as proud if they win or lose as long as they try their hardest.

A DAD has already had a full can of lager before anyone got up in anticipation of this afternoon’s England game, he has admitted.

WITH a chance of going through to the World Cup final at stake, England vs. Sweden is going to be somewhat tense. So how will you be losing your shit over the outcome?

AN England fan is planning to savour the team’s next penalty shootout as if it were a fine, vintage wine.

ENGLAND fans are anticipating tonight’s match with the same mixture of creeping dread and desperate hope that they would take to a job interview.

FOOTBALL hipsters have insisted the current World Cup is 'vastly inferior' to Switzerland ’'54.

A BRITISH man has patiently explained to an Italian colleague that for a fortnight every year England pretends to like tennis.

GARETH Southgate has revealed his plan to get England to the World Cup final by only playing the weakest opponents.