Sport

ARSENAL have attempted to sneak through their Europa League clash with FC Koln without anyone noticing them.

NO LANDLORD in Europe is willing to give Frank De Boer a six-month lease on a flat because there is little chance he'll be in employment that long.

A MAN who reads book is currently thinking about almost nothing but tomorrow's ludicrous boxing mismatch.

WAYNE Rooney's record-breaking international career was actually pretty shit when it comes down to it, football experts have concluded.

ATHLETES claiming to be poorly with a tummy bug must have a note signed by a parent, officials have confirmed.

FINALLY there is football on again, according to a man who avoided the women's European Championships.

QUESTIONS have been raised as to whether men's sport should be given equal coverage to women's sport.

JOSE Mourinho has revealed plans for a summer tour of his monumental self-regard.

WIMBLEDON has been defiled, perhaps forever, by the vulgar skill and strength of some dreadful American who probably eats with his hands.