Sport

HOLA! I’m footballing legend Diego Maradona and here is my guide to having a few friends round for a quiet evening with cheese, pleasant conversation and ‘wine’.

ENGLAND manager Gareth Southgate has warned the public that on no account are they allowed to begin believing in his team. 

BBC presenter Gary Lineker has finally solved the mystery of who won the Golden Boot at the 1986 World Cup.

ARE you totally uninterested in football but face weeks of men kicking a little a ball around and analysing it? Read our handy tips for making it less tedious.

THE England team have been told to leave the World Cup and return home as heroes before it all turns sour. 

A MAN watching the World Cup says he has no grudge against Germany despite passionately supporting any side playing against them.

A MAN has announced he will be leaving the office at lunchtime to watch the game, even though it begins at 7pm. 

A WORLD Cup wallchart pinned to a bathroom wall has received its final entry just four days into the event.

THE England team has a very good chance of winning the World Cup if you have consumed enough alcohol, it has emerged.

TODAY’S World Cup opening ceremony will feature a monstrous replica of Russian president Vladimir Putin’s ‘magnificent’ penis.