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Five dangers of having sex sober

NEVER do anything in the bedroom you’re not comfortable with, especially if it’s having sex lucid. Not only will it happen, but you’ll remember it for years to come.

Let's move to a Cornish village battered by storms and inundated with fancy restaurants! This week: Porthleven

Porthleven is heaving with tourists all summer and in winter harbours nothing but locals who resent anyone who hasn’t lived here for 400 years and/or comes from further north than Truro.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

You’re a water sign, like one of those yellow Caution: Wet Floor one in shopping centres.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... the firing of tosspot Williamson

WAKING with a start, I find myself looking up at familiar rafters. I am in Westminster Abbey, lying on a slate altar, and a queue of luminaries are paying their respects.

David Bowie: are we ready to admit he was wank for 30 years?

SIX years since the world lost David Bowie, are we ready to admit that the bulk of his career was a pile of crap?

Mash Blind Date: A 48-year-old man and the 41-year-old he has deigned to date despite the age difference

HERO and feminist Tom Booker, aged 48, has agreed to date Jo Kramer despite only being seven years older than her. How did it go?

Six ways to look an arsehole in… a scarf

OUT there it’s dark, cold and inhospitable and will be for months, so why not subliminate that nagging desire to hang yourself into knotting a scarf instead?

Why people need to stop parking outside our houses, by U2

BONO here, lead singer and spokesperson for U2, global poverty and the planet herself. It’s not cool to park outside our houses, guys. Let me tell you why.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

‘You tuber,’ you whisper, to a potato.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... that grasping, duplicitous arsehole Matt Hancock

SEATED in the first class compartment of a train from London to Brighton, I snort, wonder when it will deign to set off, and take a restorative draught of whiskey.