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THE papers say it was my best PMQs yet. I arrive home and the door’s locked. ‘No prime ministers of poor countries,’ my wife says on the intercom.

THEY’RE meant to hate racism. The left, the woke, the warriors of social justice. But this racism? Fine with them. Be as prejudiced as you want about private schools.

If you have a problematic relationship with alcohol or want to cultivate one, then the Marble City’s the place for you.

LOVER of the outdoors Jack Browne, aged 28, is thrilled to be dating Hannah Tomlinson, aged 25, who hates all that crap but fancies men who do it.

You're flattered when the barmaid at your local remembers what you had last time you were in. Fifteen pints of Stella, eight Jägerbombs and a scuffle in the car park.

WAKING in the jungle, breath pungent with kangaroo’s testicles, surrounded by slumbering elderly and eminent men in cassocks, I dimly recall how I came to be here.

BEGINNING her residency in the gambling capital of the USA, Adele explains why she only took the gig to make bank in the arcades.

IF Spanish food’s any good, how come the Costa del Sol’s full of English pubs selling English food? Answer me that.

IN the dim and distant past, nobody had iPhones. Texting hadn’t been invented. You would leave a message for a friend by ‘telling their dad’.

THE World Cup is here five months late, so why not express your belief in your country in an aggressive manner by wearing a replica kit 24/7 from now until mid-December?