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The medieval city of Norwich, capital of the Dark Ages county of Norfolk, has all the historic churches, quaint pubs and references to a Steve Coogan character you could ever hope for.

TODAY alone, tens of thousands of PC users around the world will press three keys simultaneously, effortlessly forcing Windows to cease its frozen bullshit.

The elephant in the room here is the dangerous lack of fencing at this zoo.

WAKING up in a BBC office opposite director general Tim Davie, I recall I have been summoned for ‘a quick word’ following remarks construed as criticism of Rishi Sunak.

‘I WOULD not run against Zindane,’ Macron explains. ‘He would steamroller me. So you should not run against Gary Lineker.’ ‘I’m not,’ I say, again.

FOR all those liberal halfwits condemning the government’s fair-minded policy to enslave asylum seekers as racist, I have six words: it can’t be. It’s Suella Braverman.

ALEX Turner will headline Glastonbury for the third time this summer with Arctic Monkeys, but how does he feel about processed frozen potato products? Bloody loves ‘em. Why?

YOU’VE achieved the unachievable, defied the limitations of your body and personality and found someone willing to f**k you regularly. Well done.

Would you break a bufferfly on a wheel? No. No, in fact you can’t imagine how that logistically would be achieved.

WAKING in a chair in a TV studio I realise with a start that I am seated opposite a grotesque gargoyle that is, I soon surmise, an open-mouthed Piers Morgan.