Politics

TODAY local elections will be held around the country which, because of some Tory bollocks, you will not be able to vote in. Here’s how it will work.

MANY people won’t be voting Conservative again today. You agree with their decision, until it emerges that they're only annoyed with the Tories for not being right-wing enough. Here are the warning signs.

EVERY politician in Britain has decided because only dickheads yearning to get on the property ladder matter.

BBC chairman Richard Sharp has resigned and received his coveted invite to the f**ked-by-Boris luncheon club on the same day.

DIANE Abbott has admitted that the events colloquially known as the Second World War were entirely new to her.

DOMINIC Raab is spending his final day in office on one last wild, no-holds-barred bullying spree.

LIKE Studio 54, Michael Gove’s cocaine hut on the roof of the Department for Levelling Up, Housing & Communities is legendary for its parties. Civil service insider Tom Logan reminisces.

THE government has outlined plans to teach every teenager maths so we never again have anyone as innumerate as Liz Truss in our country.

TRUMP is back and setting the world to rights. Next up after Greenland and Panama, American Thomas Logan wants to see Britain withdraw its tanks from Dublin.

Yeah, I meant what I said in that ad. And that was only the start of it. Here are the other below-the-belt jibes I’ve got in store for your beloved Rishi Sunak.