THE UK has decided that, post-Sunak, all future prime ministers must be five feet and six inches tall at the absolute minimum.
The humiliating reign of a man who would be unable to ride most of rollercoasters at Thorpe Park has the country resolved to find someone nice and tall next time.
Nathan Muir from Coventry said: “I don’t know much about politics – I voted Brexit – but he looks like a schoolboy who won a day in Downing Street for writing an excellent essay.
“Say what you like about Theresa May but she was a lovely long gangly woman, with arms and legs that moved independently of her body like a inexpertly-operated puppet.”
Margaret Gerving of Sussex agreed: “As well as their oath to the King, prime ministers should have to swear they’re of acceptable height. Once they’re closer to five foot than six foot you can’t trust them.
“What? He’s saying he’s five foot seven? He never is. And Keir Starmer’s only an inch and a half taller? Well he looks bigger, and he’s got a lovely beefy face.”
Steven Malley, who is five feet five-and-a-half inches tall, agreed: “You can’t trust a short man. We’ve got a grudge against the world and we go mental.”
