Politics

BACK in Neolithic Britain, when everyone voted Conservative, there was no sea between Britain and Northern Ireland. Who put it there? The EU.

THERESE Coffey has been secretly filmed shredding and smoking turnips for what she claims is the ultimate British high.

YESTERDAY I set out Labour’s five missions for the future. Now I’m asking you to join me as we build a new Britain in which every bigot is fellated and no flag goes unshagged.

A SCOTTISH voter had almost forgotten his country’s long-held tradition of cold-eyed religious bigotry until Kate Forbes came along.

THE prime minister is in Belfast this morning to work through a few minor finishing touches on the Brexit deal that was done and dusted in 2019.

SCOTLAND is quietly relieved that, with the departure of Nicola Sturgeon, this whole independence thing will be considered dead and buried.

NICOLA Sturgeon is prepared to take a second swing at resigning if this first attempt does not pan out, she has announced.

THE most repulsive political commentators in Britain are delighted to hear that Nicola Sturgeon has resigned, it has emerged.

PEOPLE often say to me, ‘Martin, why do you bother calling yourself a centrist when you always take right-wing views?’ They just don’t understand the benefits of centrism.

THEIR secret summit proves it: Remainers are plotting to reverse Brexit, and their agents walk among us. Your boss? Your best friend? Your wife?