Politics

NIGEL Farage wants Britain to have a rolling programme of 365 laws, each in operation for one day a year.

VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.

THE prime minister has said he will only participate in a TV debate if there are at least two mental participants to make him look good.

UKIP leader Nigel Farage will vet every potential immigrant to Britain, including a full medical.

THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.

THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.

BRITISH politics was in turmoil today after a documentary revealed that UKIP has been infiltrated by racists.

BRITAIN is deeply disappointed in Malcolm Rifkind and ecstatic that Jack Straw’s reputation has been utterly destroyed.

BARRY Chuckle has taken a shock three-point lead in the run-up to the general election. 

DAVID Cameron is to tackle obesity by chasing every overweight person in Britain through a shower room whilst flicking their buttocks with a damp towel.