Politics

LABOUR has taken the west London seat of Kensington amid a high turnout by the constituency’s disgruntled former steelworkers.

THE Conservative Party has reassured Britain that the government being propped up by swivel-eyed, religious lunatics will be ‘totally fine’.  

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn has congratulated himself after being beaten by a political idiot.

THE UK has ordered Theresa May to remain in position for a few weeks so it can relish her humiliation.

EVERYONE on your social media accounts agrees that it will be a Tory landslide or a shock Labour victory, depending on who you are. 

THOUSANDS of Briton are deciding whether or not democracy is worth getting rained on.

THERESA May has explained to Britain that she is not the bad guy in this election because she is wearing white.

A COUPLE are staying up all night to witness the live televised death of their fleeting interest in politics.

THE UK is on its way to the polling station to make a decision it is certain it will regret.

BORIS Johnson has finally chewed through the masking tape that has sealed his mouth in the run-up to the election.