Politics

WORKERS should have the same rights as politicians to completely bollocks things up and not lose their jobs, it has been claimed.

AS YOUR prime minister it is my duty to inform you that, following last week's election, I will be saying two new things.

THE Democratic Unionists plan to end Theresa May's hedonistic party lifestyle and turn her into a decent God-fearing Christian, they have announced.

A WEASEL feels he can really identify with Michael Gove.

INFLATION is at almost three per cent because the Conservative government has fucked up the economy, public services and Brexit simultaneously. 

THERESA May has been told to look slightly human but not too much.

THE QUEEN'S speech will be delayed while Democratic Unionists and Tories debate whether cats help witches cast spells against Christians.

THERESA May has been spotted in a park trying to coerce a squirrel into joining a coalition.

THE Democratic Unionist Party is ready to do a deal based on a 'soft' Brexit, a guarantee on state pensions and the total rejection of evolution.

THERESA May has been pondering exactly when she changed from a competent, ambitious politician into a deranged Brexit crusader.