Politics

BRITONS will elect a Conservative government because they believe they are bad and deserve to suffer, polls have confirmed.

THERESA May has accidentally contradicted her ‘strong, stable, leadership’ electoral message in a live interview.

A GROWN man is in a huff because no political party exactly matches his views, it has emerged.

THE Lib Dems are refusing to rule out a coalition with any British political party that will have them, they have confirmed.

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn has told Theresa May that if she strikes him down, then it is she who will truly have lost.

LABOUR MPs are to spend the next seven weeks updating their CVs and talking to recruitment agencies.

THE PRIME minister has announced that the general election on June 8th will be Britain’s last.

AN ECSTATIC Britain has thanked Theresa May for calling an early general election because it just cannot get enough of politicians on the news.

SOME idiots have paid a million quid to an arse just to hear him speak.

THE G7 meeting in Italy has rejected Boris Johnson's plan to sneak into the tuck shop late at night and make off with sweets, it has emerged.