Politics

THE prime minister has confirmed that the Carillion collapse means she will have to give the austerity lever a few more good hard pulls. 

THE government has confirmed there is absolutely nothing it can do to save non-London-based industries.

THE leader of UKIP has pledged that his next 25-year-old girlfriend will not be as obviously racist.

THE prime minister is celebrating after Donald Trump did not include Britain in his list of ‘shithole’ countries.

NIGEL Farage has backed a second Brexit referendum or anything else that will make him relevant again.

DAVID Davis has told the EU that he does not really give a shit about any British business except financial services.

TOBY Young has condemned a campaign against him as being a form of prejudice against twats.

BRITONS are convinced there has been a terrible mistake after health minister Jeremy Hunt was promoted in the cabinet reshuffle.  

THERESA May has flexed her political muscle by imposing a radical new lunchtime seating plan on her Cabinet.

THERESA May told colleagues she has had a wonderful 2017 and there is not one single thing she would do differently.