Politics

THERESA May has promised MPs a free vote on the ‘nation-defining’ issue of whether vicars can still greet policemen while cycling past village greens at sunset.

JEREMY Corbyn has been branded a danger to British children after unveiling a demented plan to spend more money on their education.

THERESA May is trying to find out what motivates normal human beings so that she can sound vaguely like one of them, it has emerged.

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn is sure that, given another two decades, the British public will learn to love him.

A MAN who is likely to suffer under a Tory government is deeply concerned about Labour politicians being Marxist.

BRISTOL has elected a Conservative mayor because most of the city’s population was stoned and forgot to vote.

UKIP has been flattened in the local elections like a hedgehog under a convoy of HGVs, it has been confirmed.

THERESA May has told the nation she is a strong, stable leader with paranoid delusions that she has enemies hidden everywhere.

A MAN who claims all politicians are crooks and liars trusts them implicitly if they are right-wing, it has emerged.

EUROPEAN Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker claimed the prime minister offered him a range of narcotics over lunch.