Politics

THERESA May has pledged not to raise VAT or to call a snap general election ever.

THE number of people who know someone who has taken part in an opinion poll is zero, according to a new poll.

THERESA May has been forced to admit her ‘strong and stable’ catchphrase was lifted from an NHS leaflet about erectile dysfunction.

THE public has urged the prime minister to call an even earlier election, like next Tuesday, so this bullshit can end.

ZAC Goldsmith has begged voters in Richmond Park to beat him again and harder because he is a contemptible worm who deserves it.

THERESA May is so confident of her election victory that she is toying with bringing back workhouses just because she could.

JEREMY Corbyn has made a private call to Downing Street to ask what the fuck a mugwump is and if he is meant to be offended.

LIBERAL Democrat leader Tim Farron has stated that ‘the gays’, whether ‘boy gays’ or the rarer ‘girl gays’, are just fine with him.

A WOMAN who mostly ignores politics thinks Theresa May is a wonderful person doing her best in difficult circumstances.

UKIP has unveiled its manifesto with a pledge to ban the snood, hot curry and ‘untrustworthy’ foreign cheese.