BRITONS have confirmed they are greatly looking forward to a sunny summer Friday when they wake up to find the Tories have been annihilated and the football is on.
As well as enjoying July events such as Wimbledon, the British Grand Prix and a variety of music festivals, Britons will have the added ecstatic thrill of seeing a bunch of venal and incompetent Tory MPs unseated after 14 years of f**king over the country.
Voter Sophie Rodriguez said: “After staying up all night drinking Prosecco and watching Jacob Rees-Mogg getting binned off by the good people of Somerset, I will switch over to the tennis and spend the afternoon gently sobering up.
“Later I’ll meet some friends in a sunshine-filled beer garden, where we will toast the catastrophic fall of the Conservative party, re-enacting the expressions on the faces of Jeremy Hunt and Suella Braverman as their dreams turned to dust in front of our very eyes.
“Then we’ll go inside to watch England win their quarter-final Euros match, which they definitely will, because it’s destined to be one of those days where everything goes our way. Yes, even the football.
“Obviously they won’t then go all the way and win the whole contest though. Football won’t be coming home. All the good vibes in the world couldn’t make that happen.”
