Society

A MULTI-MILLION pound campaign is being launched today in a bid to boost the flagging virility of Britain's 12 year-old boys.

AS a study showed that 40% men are suffering from recession-based mental illness, a leading psychiatrist has advised them to stop whining like a bunch of three year-old girls.

WOMEN with huge bazongas were last night getting it all their own way, yet again.  

THE government's decision to ban some foreign people with unpleasant views has made everyone incredibly nice, it was confirmed today.

THE government has outlined plans to monitor all of Britain's email traffic, covering everything from penis enlargement to Lindsey Lohan straddling a Labrador.

HOME secretary Jacqui Smith has pledged to crack down on council spies to prevent them from catching her doing something appalling.

YOUR identity, your achievements and everything that is you is now worth less than a bag of funsize Mars Bars, according to a new report.

POLICE officers on crowd control duty have been ordered to give priority beatings to anyone holding a video camera.

ALL advertising must be filled with blatant, insulting lies from start to finish, the industry watchdog has ruled.

TEACHERS should be entitled to a 10% pay rise when the children they teach become 10% less moronic and unbearable, according to a new survey.