Society

AUTHOR Julie Myerson last night stepped up her attack on estranged son Jake by revealing how he used to dance around naked with his penis between his thighs pretending to be Bonnie Langford.

CRUFTS, the world's biggest dog show, last night shrugged off recent controversies and went back to basics by awarding the top prize to one of those weird little dogs that looks like a deformed rodent.

MILLIONS of people across Britain who never go to the pub have been asking why all the pubs were closing down.

SOCIAL networking sites like Facebook and Bebo are infantalising the human brain and encouraging instant gratification, short attention spans and ooh, look, a funny cat picture.

GAIL Trimble, the University Challenge juggernaut, is to be burnt as a witch, it has been confirmed.

POLICE forces across the UK are looking forward to cracking dozens of middle class skulls this summer, a senior officer said yesterday.

PARENTS who complained about a one-armed childrens' TV presenter will have their own very special corner of Hell, Satan confirmed last night.

SUNNY Delight, the orange substance, has been defeated in a blind tasting against a new Indian soft drink made from cow urine.

A SCHOOL headteacher has resigned after voodoo parents demanded the right to withdraw their children from assemblies that included juju.

AS the country faces a fresh wave of Arctic blizzards, Britain is being urged to tap into its massive spunk reserves.