Society

LAH-DI-DAH ponces who talk all proper are about to find out what life is like in the real world now their fancy school has shut down, it was claimed last night.

EDUCATION secretary Ed Balls has called on primary schools to allocate places to baby chickens in a bid to improve results.

BUCKINGHAM Palace has ended months of speculation after announcing that the Queen is gay with a fondness for tall, powerful black women.

A GATHERING in central London was enjoyed greatly by all who took part, the organisers have confirmed.

CONCERNS have been raised over the standard of science teaching after it emerged thousands of GCSE pupils could not tell the difference between a microscope and a frog.

THE Archbishop of Canterbury talked himself out of a job last night.

CONCERN was growing last night that Ofcom, the media watchdog, is being run by a bunch of nancy-boy poofters.

THE basket of goods used to calculate inflation will now include property show Grand Designs, the Office for National Statistics said last night.

WOMEN across Britain seem to be terribly sad about something, men said today.

GOOGLE launched its new Street View service yesterday amid fresh speculation about exactly how evil it really is.