Society

THE nation's cool teenagers are celebrating their worst GCSE results ever after being too hip to make the slightest effort.

FINDING a parking space is the most challenging aspect of the average working week, according to a new survey.

DRUG abusers are to be renamed 'heroin buffs' in recognition of their in-depth knowledge and appreciation of the world's finest narcotics.

BRITAIN is using state-of-the-art audio visual technology to make itself even more moronic, it was claimed last night.

GAY couples who receive a child from a Catholic adoption agency have vowed to dress it in a studded collar and a little leather cap.

MIDDLE class families face no longer being able to use child benefit to buy wine, it emerged last night.

A CHILDREN'S helpline has been bombarded with calls from youngsters claiming their parents are excluding them from impromptu afternoon cocktail sessions.

TOURISM chiefs have unveiled a new guide reminding Britons not to just punch people who are here on their holidays.

THE Association of Chief Police Officers has been criticised for a radio advert which encouraged neighbours to report single, permanently hungover young men who live knee-deep in their own filth.

COUNCILS will be paid for every newly-built box they cram into your town and then fill with thousands of 'people' who are all exactly the same as each other.